poetry & haiku: another autumnalis

clear glass sphere

Happy Solstice, dear reader! I don’t know about you, but this energy has been quite the experience to play in. More and more, every day feels like I’m becoming. What that is I’m becoming I’m not exactly sure. But I’m enjoying figuring it out!

Anyway, I had such fun putting together poetry and haiku last year when the seasons changed that I thought I’d do it again (because who doesn’t love a good sequel).

Speaking of sequels, enjoy this follow-up to my last collection of poetry and haiku that have moved through me since the equinox.

And special thanks to Jessica R. for her contribution to the final lines in haiku 15 and 29. It was a new experience sharing works-in-progress with a fellow writer, but it turned out so well that I’m eager to experiment more!

talking to the sun
at brunch – where darkness was
i look upon the Light

mundane monogamy –
or is this the intimacy of everyday

all souls are beautiful
& when you see that
all becomes beautiful

tattoos on weathered skin
remind me of you

i wonder who holds her arms
& if the absence of holding

has led to more weathering
& i just hope everyone

has a safe place to go
when storms come

not all can handle
your shine continuously
some need umbrellas

it was raining
in the suburbs today

& as i looked for the rainbow
i thought of your brother

& although we never met
i felt peaceful knowing

he had returned to Peace
& this warm november rain

was an invitation to join him there
may this Peace abide in you as well

talking to friends about you
recalling all our conversations

about teaching your son constancy
& that you can stand on your own

without a man
without me

that’s exactly what you’re doing now
& that realization brings two thoughts:

that you’re proving to yourself
you’re as strong as i knew you were
the night we met

& i Love you
no less than
the night we met

moon’s shine inspires
almost as much as your skin
holding her tattoo

you still appear when i
imagine my peaceful future

we’re in a cabin in the snow –
maybe stick season in vermont

i stare into the fire as
flickers of my past appear

they’re so proud of me &
this remembered Peace

so i call to you & you bounce
into my lap like you used to

& i hold you again
because i still can here

moonlight coming through
bedroom windows reminds me
of when you would too

sleepy turtle snores –
the soundtrack to nights when you
let me Love you

may sunlight find you
when dark thoughts return casting
shadows on your smile

is that you returned
to my window this autumn morning
no – just squirrel

the scent of you here
in places you haven’t been
proves Love’s timelessness

relaxing & sweet
your aura is lavender –
subtle gentle peace

i drop in & hear
your laugh but here the only
sound is ticking clocks

my heart howls knowing
it’s not yet time to match
her perfect beat to yours

if all time is now
i would choose to Love you now
& time after time

my phone autocompleted
your name again today

& instead of feeling
sad or wistful

i got curious

why were these
the primary feelings
coming up

instead of wonder at
the grace of all you are

& i thought

maybe grace isn’t just
how your hair felt

between my fingers
as you slept

maybe grace is just knowing
Love still exists in those moments

there’s so much happening that
i’m so excited to tell you about

at the end of every day
but i can’t because

you’re not yet here
in this life i’m cocreating

& whether or not we come
together again in this lifetime

i Know –
with a force that could blow out my rib cage again –

that somewhere out there
in the infinite field of possibilities

we are dancing
in the limitless Love

that fills our home made
of windows without ceilings

when i meet your eyes
i would feel my heart beating
in the Peace of God

when you said you wanted to love a poet
is this what you meant

to love he who trails his tongue
over the soft lines of your body

speaking wordlessly
until you call for Divinity

did you want to crane your neck
& cum on his hand

as he wrote his way
to your pleasure

did you want this burning intensity
as hot as the shower’s stream

but nowhere near as hot
as this twin flame burns

i guess you didn’t mean that
because you’re reading this to yourself

i’m remembering the trip we took
to the cavern with the million-year-old rocks
near the town my parents used to visit

i drove most of the way
without checking a map
& this amazed & amused you

but now i think it’s a perfect example
of how i am & how direction is
so often sought near the journey’s end

wherever you journey this winter
i hope a light shines
at the destination

i’m actively anticipating
christmas this year

in a way i never allowed
myself to with her

& walking through
the holiday market downtown

& seeing the bored couples
& lovely friends in ugly sweaters

i felt alone in a way
i only allowed myself to be with her

that hotel bar we’d go to
when we wanted to feel fancy

is a starbucks now
& much like their coffee

there’s nothing intentional
in that space anymore

much like there was very little
intentionality in my love for her

besides the traumatized self i created
and misbelieved we had to share

i no longer hold
her but still hold our trauma –
& still call it ours

if i am the Son
my Father Loves from where does
this un-Loving come?

she rests her ear-ringed
head on his shoulder

his cheek meets her crown
for an instant & even still

one blonde hair
glowing grey

sticks in his white stubble
& i think of connection

& how nice it is
to see aged tenderness

how did gift giving become
the default Love language
for christmas?

what if instead of the kind of crazy who
gifts your partner a new car
in a big red bow

you’re the kind of crazy who
would spend hours together
watching the yule log burn

what about the kind of crazy who
would sing carols at nursing homes
or perform other acts of service

what if you’re the kind of crazy who
Loves embracing under mistletoe
while snow falls in the suburbs

or what if – even worse –
you’re the kind of crazy who
writes poems in ramen shops

about how you’d give
all that & more if only
you had someone to gift

from the street i watch
as she decorates the tree –
tranquil winter’s eve

Happiest of holidays, dear readers. May the new year bring you nothing but peace, Love and happiness. <3

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