poetry & haiku: winter solstice

melting snow on green fern with withered brown leaves

Hello, dear readers, and Happy Vernal Equinox!

To celebrate, I’m sharing some of the poetry and haiku that moved through me this winter solstice. It’s certainly been a long, cold, lonely winter, as George Harrison might say. Now’s the time to come out of our caves – roaring!

cloudy morning post solstice
birds fly before moon –
already she wanes

not an ounce of guilt
nor a spark of gaslighting –
xmas ‘21

tho these windows be new
winter wind on the outside
smells familiar

one flake visits
stays floating near window
as i embody this moment

thoughts of boundaries
of living life cloistered

like in a snow globe
looking out

but it’s not always this way

one day my soul will dance
with that flake

but for now it’s enough
to see her dance with her sisters
from insides warm

trying to send
my depressed parts
& i weep

i loved myself so little
that i never wanted to sit
in grey december cold


how can i love unconditioned
when the love taught me
was conditioned

more than loving
an other
i would allow this mind
to love this heart

staving off breakdown
over busway

train tracks & pavement –
a suitable destination

then homeless elder
pushing cart blesses me

& sending him love
stops my jumping

there’s a point when this
sensitive solitudinarian schtick
gets old
& i just want to connect

reading poetry at bar
where fingers last danced
over denim covering your thighs

there was a time
you assaulted my mind –

i had to assault my wrists
to distract from thoughts of you –

now i don’t need to
remember to forget you

it just happens
like how all esplanades
eventually end

reading the drinks menu
she shivers
& he doesn’t offer his arms

comparison is inherent in judgement
trauma keeps you unconscious
forgive ego for operating from both

he’s got a great leather jacket
& the kind of hair worthy of poetry

he cuffs tenderly sleeves
of her grey steelers tshirt

& taylor is singing
& i want that

& tho i know the i
who is wanting
is only egoic

i don’t know which
that i want

& once again
i’m a few heaving breaths away

from a breakdown at the bar

i could be held in
one hundred hugs but their arms
will never be yours

everyone sings a song i don’t know
at mario’s shadyside

then paul comes up to me
“you don’t normally see people journaling at the bar”

& we say we love each other

it was honest & true –
the Holy Self in an other

o drunk girls
just discovering your limits
may you be blessed tonight

bodies still glow beautiful
beneath belvedere’s disco lights

dancing with the pain –
the cries
become a yawn
become a laugh

when the mind allows
the body to feel
what the soul knows
you find bliss

stum’bling home
kissing by red church doors
you were a blessing
i denied

your thighs taste familiar
i remember
we repeat on forever

pull me in
& for a moment
our names are the only words we know

you held me
& wouldn’t let go
i felt my heart open –
& then i woke up

lying in bed
waiting all night
for sleep that never comes

you sparkled like glitter
but i haven’t seen the shine
since you left here

it’s nothing
but sometimes
i remember
how you’d get in bed

as you go
do you still rush
with less home waiting

or do you pause &
take leisurely scenic routes

do you allow yourself
the softness

that woke with you
under blankets
in beds unmade

healing came when i
saw the bus you’d take to town
& i didn’t cry

before i learned you moved here
to get closer to an other

i remember driving your car
wishing the roads were a bit more icy

then david & freddie spoke & i
pulled over & cried

under pressure of deceit
& the flagrant disrespect of truth

(although i wouldn’t have called it that then
because i was still playing the victim)

all that to say
i heard them again today

& for the first time
i had a new moment to remember:

the moment of surrender
& Unity with All

instead of a night
where i would have
separated fully

my Self

from All That Is

i will never stop giving my Self
one last chance

because i have glimpsed
Peace on Earth

& more than anything
i wish i knew better words
so i could write it

& then you would understand
when the veil of separation is lifted

sitting by lemon tree
Infinite Intelligence
opens the way

i am forgiving myself
in the moments when
i am not
my Self

we are constantly creating
because Creation is in us all

uncover your eyes –
the light of heaven
is always shining in you

once you understand
that you will never understand
you understand

my heart is pink today
like soft clouds before sunrise
lays down its path

people overwhelmed
by sunrises
are my kind of people –
love them

find yourself friends who
make you feel full & don’t mind
walking in the rain

woman & child
splash in puddles –
warmest new year’s day in memory

Thanks for reading! May you be blessed <3

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