I cannot stress enough how important it is for writers to actually spend time EVERY day writing. Journaling is an easy way to do this. Set a timer and just write about whatever is on your mind!
I journal as soon as I wake up. First, I recount any dreams I can recall. Then, I list ten things I’m grateful for and set my intentions for the day. If I journal later, it’s usually to work out my anxieties, but sometimes I copy down something from lectures or books I’m listening to/reading. Sometimes I write down books or movies I want to check out. Sometimes poetry and haiku move through me.
Every Sunday, I reread my entries from the previous week. These are the nuggets of wisdom [citation needed] from the week of July 12 – July 18.
JULY 12
- [had a dream I was with some friends and we were deciding on which episode of SNL to watch. Then the dream shifted and I was peeing.]
- [an old friend reached out wanting to talk and I was processing my feelings about it]
I don’t want to, but she says she’s filled with regret. She feels things in a big way, and if it’s anything @ all like the way I feel/felt about dad, then it is my best self to relieve her of that. I feel no ill will toward her. I just don’t need her in my life. But who knows what the Universe has planned. I’m just a dancing thought, after all. - I’m lonelyish. The idea of being with someone sounds exhausting. […] Maybe I’m just reflecting on what I’ve lost. It will come back in time. I’m in no hurry to be anything other than present.
JULY 13
- I want to write that I’ll be off because I slept in. I’m off based on my own inherited belief that if something I plan goes off then EvErYtHiNg is off, but that’s not true. I have an opportunity to revise the plan. [this is a good example of reframing old thought patterns or beliefs. Try seeing it from a higher perspective]
- How to let go of what doesn’t serve: Take an inventory of everything, every person, every situation in your life. What is bringing me joy? What isn’t? What is keeping me from being my full self?
- Missing what could have been. Missing the idea of what could have been. That thought no longer serves me – no thank you!
- I set the intention to use my missing, longing thoughts for some positive way.
- [then outta nowhere, a poem started moving through me! Even though I dont love it (yet) I’m including it here to show the process, but it needs A LOT of work before I’d consider it being ‘done’]
I woke up wanting something I couldn’t name
it knocked me off and I lost my frame
all day
I searched for steadying ground
but what I lacked was all I found,
& found wanting
I spent my time
thinking about what could have been mine
if I’d just been different,
an impossible feat
we are always exactly who we need
to be when we arrive @ any moment.
So what I was misaligns with who I am
but who I am still wants what that old guy had
But he never had it, & neither will you,
attachment is just a way to ruin
& suffering
attach not, I plead.
Attaching to someone is not what you need
for happiness
it can be found within
holding your heart is a great place to begin
count out the beats,
they go on without your conducting
feel this & know that you are not nothing
you have such power inside,
& not just your heart
but your soul
your essence
how great thou art!
You are eternal, part of that Original Thought,
a dancing idea
physical you are not
the God is inside you,
oh annoited one, you are the Christ
remember this,
your divinity
& happiness will flow & sadness will cease
JULY 14
- I am grateful for the likes & views I receive. I am abundant. [Seriously, thanks folks. I appreciate you]
- Sam, I love you. Heart, I love you. I want more input from both of you this week. Be gentle, tho, I am sensitive. And that’s NOT a bad thing.
- I am desiring of the belief that I am grateful of my upbringing, that it was exactly what I needed to get here
- When you see someone else, don’t see them as separate from you, see them as you in another body.
- You are me in another body. EVERYONE is YOU in ANOTHER (AN OTHER) body.
- I am, & God is. These statements are synonymous.
- Look @ everyone & feel compassion & love for them. Imagine that it’s you having a different experience, & that all their pain & suffering is yours. [this and the previous three nuggets were inspired by the following video]
- THAT’S ENOUGH! I AM DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I AM NOT SEPARATE FROM OTHERS. NOW THAT I’VE MADE UP MY MIND TO SET THE INTENTION TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I AM NOT SEPARATE FROM OTHERS I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I BELIEVE I AM SEPARATE FROM OTHERS BECAUSE I’VE SET THE INTENTION TO BELIEVE I AM NOT SEPARATE FROM OTHERS. [this was a powerful intention and I believe it shifted some major areas of my life]
- God loves me just as I am. I don’t need to change to please him [it, because as Rachel Pollack points out in Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom (affiliate, and below), “to describe God as any thing would be to limit him to some finite fixed state.”].
- Have a notebook specifically for misalignment.
- Thank you Original Thought for having me. May I integrate my shadow parts to live a more abundant life for you. May my experience be the best it can be.
JULY 15
- [my gratitude list for the day]
1. Full creative days
2. Not feeling any guilt over not doing any paid work
3. Timelapse poetry
4. Audiobooks
5. Trying new things
6. Sleepy body feels, because it means I’ve been working hard
7. Forgotten thoughts, because it means I’m present
8. Yawns that come easily [sometimes my anxiety can be so oppressive that any breathing, even yawning, is difficult]
9. New job opportunites
10. The cyclic nature of life
11. Public transportation - ALL MY GOOD THOUGHTS ARE POWERFUL AND ALL MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ARE WEAK. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I AM NEGATIVE BECAUSE I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS – I AM THE MASTER OF MY THOUGHTS.
- I am desiring of the belief that I feel good now. I am desiring of the belief that fear is negative & therefor weak.
- I am grateful for everything that came to me today. I am grateful for The Secret [review coming Friday]. I am grateful for my poetry. I am grateful it resonated with people.
- There is no peace but the peace of God & I am glad it’s so.
JULY 16
- [received an unexpected message and it made me feel some kind of way so I tried to work that out]
How do I feel? Hollow. Empty. Sad. […] Okay so the tension feels like it’s spreading across my chest. The top of my sternum. […] Nothing is causing me this pain now. The pain that was felt was from when I was @ a different level of consciousness. […] My thoughts of weakness are weak thoughts. I believe that, but don’t feel it fully […] Tension in clavicle again. Straining to carry the weight of what I can feel but can’t see. - [and then another almost-poem moved through me]
unknown pressure pushing down on me
the words unexpected but not unwelcome –
curious – why now?
A challenge
something to derail & distract –
was it ever anything but that?
Or an invitation to inspiration –
you saw a future in those hooded eyes
maybe not joint, but does it have to be –
I’m much more @ peace alone & free
I’ve accepted that
quarantine helps –
are you really prepared to again never be by yourself?
Companionship is fine, consistency too,
but constancy, ah, there’s the problem for you
Because what is constant
For that matter what’s consistent
we are being reborn
remade
every minute.
Every breath can blow down or fill our sails –
so who do I want to be when I finally exhale?
Throat still feels tight because it knows this is truth
& truth is confusing but it’s always the root
of expression.
Now the tightness lessens.
I’m bored of this now
I’ve words to write before I sleep,
& words to write before I sleep
[apologies to Robert Frost] - I must be careful not to project.
JULY 17
- No one other than I can make me happy if I am happy with myself.
- Can you forgive someone & still not want to be around them? Why do I sense dissonance with that? Confusion? I believe I’m different. I still feel the wind blow but now it means something. [and then ANOTHER poem moved through me. I like this one the most, mostly because it doesn’t rhyme]
Ennui grips me after the day is done,
& I’ve eaten & watched the sun
drop behind the hill
where the fallen leaves look like foraging birds,
& shadows dance on the red brick house
maybe it would be nice to end the day with someone
but it’s not like i’m alone, or even lonely –
how can one be lonely when they can share another sunset with the sky? - I am so grateful for everything that happened to day. I am living an abundant life & I am so thankful for it. I have friends who care about me. I am so happy & glad that I have mastered my mind. I am happy to be awake from the dream of the world. [gratitude for what you have, and imagining gratitude for what you want are powerful forces. Try them today!]
JULY 18
[The Dark Knight came out twelve years ago today. That’s not relevant to anything, it’s just a good movie]
- Just because I’m having uphelpful, weak thoughts doesn’t mean I’m weak.
- With regards to yesterday’s contemplations, trust, as defined by Charles Feltman, by way of Brené Brown, is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else. Distrust is, what I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you. When we trust we are BRAVING connection with someone.
- B – boundaries: there is no trust without boundaries
R – reliability: I can only trust you if you do what you say you’re going to do
A – accountability: I can only trust if you own, apologize & make amends for mistakes
V – vault – what is shared between two people is held in confidence
I – integrity: choosing courage over comfort, what’s right over what’s fast, fun or easy, practicing your values, not just professing your values [I set the intention to integrate this last one into my character]
N – nonjudgement: ask for help without being judged; if you can’t ask for help & they cannot reciprocate it’s not a trusting relationship
G – generosity: it is only a trusting relationship if you can assume the most generous thing about their words, intentions and behaviors
- B – boundaries: there is no trust without boundaries
- Be wary of the naked man offering you a shirt
- “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves, but say I love you.” – Maya Angelou
- The gratitude I feel is enough. I am enough. These banana slices are enough. They don’t try to be orange slices & they don’t make apologies or excuses for being anything other than what they are. I feel like throwing up everything I just ate because I know this is true. You can’t be spoiled or ungrateful if you feel gratitude @ your current level of consciousness for what you have. If you’ve been told your ENTIRE life that you are ungrateful any time you feel any gratitude you will feel like it’s not enough, so even though you’re feeling gratitude it’s tinged with lack. Gratitude is thankfulness for the abundance that is. There is abundance all around me, & despite what I’ve been led to believe I know I am grateful. May I find more ways to express gratitude that are in alignment with my current state of consciousness.
- I know there is no room for doubt. Doubt is fear-based, a weak, low-frequency thought. But I am aware of it, so I can change it.
- I am so grateful for every opportunity that is given to me. Thank you Universe. Gracias Universo. That you God. Gracias Dios. Thank you Original Thought. Gracias Pensamiento Original. [sometimes I express my gratitude in Spanish just so another part of my brain recognizes the feeling] I am so grateful for this abundance. I am overwhelmed that today has happened just as it did. I am exactly where I need to be & I am so grateful for it. I am an abundant shining soul. I am exactly where I need to be & I am so grateful for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am so filled with love that I sometimes wish to burst. I am thankful for the moments when I feel my dad’s love. I am thankful for all that I have. I am abundant. I will always remember I have the power. I can change my reality whenever I want. I am in love with how I feel when I feel grateful.
Dear reader, I hope showing you the inner workings of my mind (read: neuroses on parade) helps. I hope you are inspired to be kind and take time with yourself on your own journey after seeing how I struggle to put the beliefs I espouse into daily action. Believing in something and failing to live up to it does not mean you are a failure. When you’re a child stumbling around and you trip over your shoelaces, the only failure is the grasping of the knowledge of how to properly tie your shoes, but that doesn’t make you a failure. Your parent helps you up and shows you how to tie your shoes again. And again. And again, until you’ve got it.
I hope seeing my stumbles inspires you to rise up and carry on.
And speaking of rising, I think it’s about time for my biannual rewatch of The Dark Knight trilogy.
Be well, dear reader. I send you my love and light to guide you through this week.