I cannot stress enough how important it is for writers to actually spend time EVERY day writing. Journaling is an easy way to do this. Set a timer and just write about whatever is on your mind!
I journal as soon as I wake up. First, I recount any dreams I can recall. Then, I list ten things I’m grateful for and set my intentions for the day. If I journal later, it’s usually to work out my anxieties, but sometimes I copy down something from lectures or books I’m listening to/reading. Sometimes I write down books or movies I want to check out. Sometimes poetry and haiku move through me.
Every Sunday, I reread my entries from the previous week. These are the nuggets of wisdom [citation needed] from the week of July 5 – July 11.
JULY 5
- Thank you Universe for another day to be alive in. May the Divine manifest for me. May the Universe work thru me. I make @ least 12k a month. What I do doesn’t feel like work because I do it with my heart. I am so grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given. I make @ least 12k a month. I am in love with my apartment. I love waking up to the view of the city. I am in love with the way I feel when I walk thru my apartment. I love being so close to the bike trail. I make @ least 12k a month. I am able to support my family. I am so grateful to have shifted. I am so grateful I let go of the old beliefs that kept me trapped & frozen in mediocrity. I want to believe I can be more. I make @ least 12k a month. I make @ least 12k a month. I am so grateful to have control of my reality. I am so thankful for the life of abundance the Universe has provided. I feel the peace of God every day & I am so glad for it. I want to believe I feel the peace of God. I want to believe I feel the peace of God. I am grateful for my transformation.
[If you want something, instead of wishing for it, imagine the gratitude you’d feel once you got it. That feeling is what attracts the thing to you. This was my attempt at trying that, and I felt great! I could feel in my bones how it felt to walk around my new apartment, knowing that I was living a life where I provide value to everyone I come into contact with. And then…]
- Goddammit. I watched that Wesley Virgin ad & now my throat is closing & I can’t breathe & holy shit I’m dying but not really I’m just being dramatic but now I don’t know what to do & I hate being so weak. Going to bed feels like giving up. Going to stretch feels like being chained to my desires rather than acting in the way I think is best. What do I feel is best? What do I feel is best? IDK so I’m just going to do something. Boring thoughts. These are all boring, unhelpful thoughts. How can I take responsibility? You have your plans. You are enough. I am enough. I want to believe I’m enough. I want to believe I’m enough. I want to believe I’m enough. I want to believe I’m enough. I am enough. May I believe that I’m enough. I want to believe I can think better more useful thoughts.
- I set the intention to remember that everything is temporary.
- Your mind creates your emotions from your consciousness. Every emotion is a creation of your mind that retains a portion of your consciousness. So good morning anxiety. I think you are excitement, really, but who are you representing? Gotta run, gotta do. [my mom always says this] If you stop you die. I understand that is the blueprint of how we were raised. I forgive you for thinking that, but that’s not the only way to think, you know. I’m sorry I’ve rejected you. I’ve been ignoring you by going & doing, thinking it’s the way to fix things but we can’t always be 100% productive. I’m so sorry, anxiety. Please forgive me for ignoring you, anxiety. Thank you for showing me this rejected part. I love you because you were part of my experience @ one time, but no more. Whatever experience caused you is over now. In this moment, there is no danger, there is nothing to be anxious about. [here I offer my anxiety ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian healing modality.]
- Observing anxiety is observing the idea about the idea of suffering. I am sat in the sun. My belly is full & I have water. The wind blows. Nothing in this moment is causing me to suffer. I merely am.
- To give God a definition is to limit it. To give God an identity keeps it separate from all that is. I’m sorry God. I’ve been neglecting you in me because my ego allowed me to get caught up in definitions. God has no identity but what we give it. It is beyond our comprehension & @ the same time is inside us.
- Cemetery breeze cools burning shoulders as I reconcile all that God is within us. [this is almost a haiku! I’ll need to work on it]
- It is only our ideas about the world that make us suffer. There are no ideas without definitions.
- Stillness invites awareness.
- It’s okay not to understand something. That’s what learning is for.
- Thoughts are created in the mind, but they are not experiences. Experiences are created in consciousness, in awareness.
- When you give God an identity you’re vulnerable. You can say my god is better than your god & because you’re identified with that belief you become vulnerable to any other completely valid interpretation of the concept of God, because concepts are just identities, too. If something comes from an identity it will constantly need to defend itself & will be easily offended.
- The ego cannot see the true self because all the ego can see are identities it has created. So if you look inward & see anything that you can identify with, you know it is not you. It is the ego’s idea of you.
- Ross is desiring of the belief that he is not defined by his circumstances.
THAT’S ENOUGH! I SET THE INTENTION TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I AM NOT DEFINED BY MY CIRCUMSTANCES. NOW THAT I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I AM NOT DEFINED BY MY CIRCUMSTANCES I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I’M DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I AM NOT DEFINED BY MY CIRCUMSTANCES BECAUSE I AM NOT DEFINED BY MY CIRCUMSTANCES. I BELIEVE I DEFINE MY CIRCUMSTANCES. [This wasn’t as clean as it could have been, but it’s how it came out in the moment, and I know what I meant]
- That which lacks nothing has no need to defend itself.
- You will need clarity in your life to move forward. When you focus on the problem it gets bigger.
- Thank you Universe for a wonderful day. Thank you God for a wonderful day. May I reconcile the bad feelings within me about the God concept. It is my idea about the concept – an idea about an idea – that I need to reconcile.
JULY 6
- Gonna try to thank God for everything I used to thank the Universe for. I understand it’s different names for the same thing, so it shouldn’t matter, but there’s a part of my old identity that thinks it knows God. But that’s an old definition & I am desiring of a new definition. This feels hard to breathe over, but I can breathe, I can breathe NOW, I can breathe but the air is running out.
- Light spills into my room. Mom texted me. Haven’t read. All I know is it starts with “I know you don’t care for me at this moment…” She doesn’t know how I feel. She’s still playing the victim, still trying to manipulate me. I am surprised she reached out. Something about feeling ungrateful of her love. Or is that just the years of her telling me I’m ungrateful, that I’m spoiled, that she gave & gave & gave & “this is the thanks she gets”. She survives by guilting. There can be no love where there is guilt. This feels hard to breathe over, too. Want to say I feel like a failure, but I know that’s her old programming. Guilt is not empowering & I am only desiring of empowering thoughts.
Me: Sam, how are you?
Sam: Okay, I’m glad you can use our conversations for your blog
M: Me too. I probably should have asked your permission first. Sorry about that.
S: It’s all right. I know you want to keep me safe. You don’t even know what the rest of text says.
M: You’re right. I supposed I should hold judgement. Ugh. Fine.
[this is the text]
“I know you don’t care for me at this moment but some day and hopefully you will. I saw this and thought to you.. Just wanted to share. I do love you son. God-bless you.”
No apology because she doesn’t feel like she’s in the wrong. Do I need an apology? I would like some acknowledgement – but is that being in victim mode, or is that having a boundary? I don’t have to respond. I felt better when I didn’t have to think about her. I know that’s being closed off to love, or is it protecting myself? I am grateful for new ways of looking @ things. May I continue to see things as they truly are.
- Deliberately distract yourself from everything that doesn’t align with who you are. Let go of the rules of reality. Release resistance by raising your awareness. A belief is just a thought you keep thinking about the same thing. Get to a high vibe state thinking about what IS working.
JULY 7
Me: Sam, how are you?
Sam: I am okay. Maybe you need to talk to Heart.
M: Very well. Know that I love you.
S: I do. Love you too. Just hold me more.
M: Will do. Heart, did I humiliate you-know-who [it was Voldemort] because I didn’t want it to work?
Heart [who talks to me through writing in cursive with my non-dominant hand]: You didn’t want long-term. You wanted a quick fuck. You wanted to play the game, but you weren’t committed to that…
M: Something about that feels hard to breathe over.
H: It’s because it’s the truth. She wasn’t the kind of girl you do that to … Until you realize that you will never have your dad’s love.
M: Why does this seem hard to breathe over?
H: Because it’s a belief you have that you don’t want to have.
M: Very well.
THAT’S ENOUGH! I SET THE INTENTION TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT MY DAD’S LOVE IS AVAILABLE TO ME UNCONDITIONALLY. NOW THAT I’VE MADE UP MY MIND TO SET THE INTENTION TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT MY DAD’S LOVE IS AVAILABLE TO ME UNCONDITIONALLY I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT MY DAD’S LOVE IS AVAILABLE TO ME UNCONDITIONALLY BECAUSE I BELIEVE MY DAD’S LOVE IS AVAILABLE TO ME UNCONDITIONALLY.
Thanks Heart. I feel like I could write all day.
H: Perhaps you should.
- I set the intention to be understanding of other people…it is unfair of me to hate someone based on their coping mechanism.
- May I find a higher way of seeing my shadows.
- Why does friendliness bother me? Because I learned two-faced friendliness? Because I don’t feel like I’m enough? Because I never saw my dad being friends with anyone? Because all he ever wanted was friendship & I couldn’t – @ a previous state of consciousness – give him that. Do I want to believe I don’t like friendliness in others? NO. The old belief is I’m not friendly enough for anyone to want to be friends with me. Where did this come from? Not having anyone to play with growing up? Her fucking focus on intelligence & putting me in a higher grade when I should have stayed GODDAMMIT. That was her doing her best. She was acting @ the level of consciousness she was @. I’m sorry, mom. Please forgive me, mom. Thank you, mom. I love you, mom. [Ho’oponopono again] That was the first time I felt loneliness, I think. Or maybe I’m just remembering her stories. [When I was in kindergarten, my mom had me tested and placed in a class teaching first and second graders. According to her, after some time, I stopped playing with my toys; they collected dust, she said. She had me moved back to kindergarten soon after that. I don’t remember much of that, but I remember I could do the work. I do have the impression of just sitting on the brown living room carpet, staring at the turned-off television contemplating…something]
JULY 8
- I am desiring of the belief that I feel no resistance to God.
THAT’S ENOUGH! I SET THE INTENTION TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I FEEL NO RESISTANCE TO GOD. NOW THAT I’VE MADE UP MY MIND TO SET THE INTENTION TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I FEEL NO RESISTANCE TO GOD I’M NOT GOING TO DEBATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I’VE MADE UP MY MIND TO SET THE INTENTION TO BE DESIRING OF THE BELIEF THAT I FEEL NO RESISTANCE TO GOD BECAUSE I BELIEVE I FEEL NO RESISTANCE TO GOD.
- But what about my inner wisdom trying to set boundaries? UGH! Does this feel like a boundary? God or the Universe – it’s just different names for the same thing.
JULY 9
- The dog barks loudest right before it submits.
- I feel like I’m losing the grip I had on the control of my mind, but I KNOW that’s an old thought that no longer serves me. I am desiring of the belief that I have mastered my mind. I know I have. I know my Higher Self has.
Me: Higher Self, what do I most need to know today?
Higher Self [when my Higher Self writes through me, it’s in all caps to really drive the point home]: YOU WILL NEVER GET IT BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING TO GET.
[My Higher Self and I don’t have the kind of in-depth convos I have with Sam or Heart or Bart. I think my Higher Self is impatient with me. I know I would be.]
- What is a vibrational frequency that prevents the new? Is it possible that my discomfort this week is coming from trying to raise my vibration? [duh-doy!] I am desiring of the belief that I have raised my vibration.
- What most needs to be felt? I want to cry. I want to go back to sleep. I’m worried about the food in the kitchen cooling off. There’s nothing to overthink because everything already is. Worry pretends to be important but it’s negative. I have been doing more this week. I don’t worry about it when I’m in it – don’t have time to worry. <– that’s important. I wish I were stronger, but we can only ever be @ the level we are. I am desiring of the belief that I am already strong. Mists of malaise no longer misalign me. [this is almost a haiku too] You can eat, it’s okay. I give you permission. It’s okay. But leave the lectures off. Put the pen down & pick up the fork & enjoy the oranges & eggs & turkey bacon. Enjoy the fact that you have the ability to procure food, that you are able to enjoy it, that you know how to prepare it with (minimal) difficulties. Listen to the birds. They’re writing a symphony just for you. Go hug the tree again. Let it out. this needs to be felt. It’s okay if you don’t know what it is. I know it’s scary to not have names for the things that make you cry, but it knows what it is, & when you’re ready it will tell you its name. Believe what you tell other people – you are enough. You are alive seeing the band of morning sun laying down on the leaves. Even the bugs know not to buzz around your food – that is a miracle on its own. Why does it seem true that you don’t believe in yourself? Maybe it’s just because you’re a lil sleepier than usual. Maybe I just need a change. Maybe I just need a new cologne.
- Thinking about the small deer I saw Monday night & how I tried to feed it the going-old lettuce I was eating. It didn’t want it. How often are we given something we don’t take? I say yes to everything the Universe brings to me.
- There is a lot of subconscious beliefs with God that no longer serve me. I set the intention to be done with those. NO THANK YOU!
JULY 10
[I had a dream that featured music. I don’t want to get into the dream, but I’ve always found it fascinating when I dream about or hear music in my dreams. While there are many different interpretations, the music I heard made me feel happy, elated even. I was fortunate enough to remember it when I woke and I’ve been replaying it ever since:]
- Began listening to a recording of the Ra Contact [which is the precursor to The Law of One (affiliate)] this morning. Really fascinating stuff. The idea that we’re all just dancing thoughts in a ballroom of nonphysical. But the idea of separation is a current challenge. However, if we are to believe we all came from the same Universal Infinity, if we are to assume we all came from that same thought, then it’s a bit easier to understand how we’re all the same. Thoughts evolve from one to the other, sometimes with no discernible thruline. So I can see how what I view as ‘an other’ is merely just a thought that evolved differently than I. In that sense, I have compassion & want to weep because I know how much I hate the thoughts that evolve into thoughts I don’t want. I know how vile those thoughts can be. Perhaps it’s because the thoughts know they are out of alignment. I set the intention to look @ unwanted thoughts with love & acceptance. So too do I set the intention to look @ “unwanted” or difficult, challenging people with love & acceptance. Their level of consciousness may not be that of one which can perceive that they can change their circumstances, that they don’t have to be defined by them, that they define their circumstances. If I weren’t aware of that, I can’t honestly say I would be any different.
“The Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator has only one important statement. That statement, my friends, as you know, is: “All things, all life, all of the creation is part of One Original Thought. […] Let us for a moment consider thought. What is it, my friends, to take thought? Took you then thought today? What thoughts did you think today? What thoughts were part of the Original Thought today? In how many of your thoughts did the creation abide? Was love contained? And was service freely given? You are not part of a material universe. You are part of a thought. You are dancing in a ballroom in which there is no material. You are dancing thoughts. You move your body, your mind, and your spirit in somewhat eccentric patters, for you have not completely grasped the concept that you are part of the Original Thought.”
from The Ra Contact
- Inty energy session tonight. [this was an introductory workshop offered by the Rev. Chief Walter Soaring Eagle, PhD on the nature of the Melchizedek Method of Axiatonal] I didn’t feel as much as I’d have liked, but I def felt more than that time @ DUQ when the priests washed my feet. [I was sat in a pew near the back on the aisle. Before the service started, a priest asked if I’d mind if they washed my feet; they were doing it for select people sitting at the aisle. I agreed, and when he did it, I remember looking down at him and feeling nothing, nothing but a sad emptiness] I remember wanting to feel something – yearning. That was also the Easter I went to 2 or 3 different churches, hoping to hear something that resonated. [Nothing did] I understand we have different names for the same thing – God/Source/Unity/Original Thought/the Universe – but maybe the dogma surrounding God is too great right now to put any faith in it. May I be rid of this dogma. It never served me. Any religion that allows killing in God’s name needs to be reexamined, because God is love & light. Christ is just a Greek word that means anointed one. You can become the Christ. That doesn’t belong to Jesus. You could call Buddha or Krsna the Christ – a Christ. Then maybe antichrist is just anyone unanointed.
- I know I will achieve enlightenment, even if it’s with my dying breath, but I know death isn’t the real end anyway.
JULY 11
- I heard a song in my dream. I can’t remember the first part, but the second part went “send my heart into the places [that need to be healed]. I set the intention to send my heart into the places that need to be healed. [I think the melody kinda went like this:]
- [my gratitude list for that day]
1. Dreams
2. Sleeping like a rock
3. Rising on time
4. Zipcar
5. Melchizedek method
6. New ways of looking at things
7. Being open to being more giving
8. Health insurance
9. Clean teeth
10. Legs that bike
11. A bikeable city
- We may have rewritten the script so our egos could be right.
I didn’t have much to write on Saturday because I was out and about filming a new video for my YouTube page. I’m gonna go work on that now.
Lots of discomfort this week, but something I often say, something I can always take solace in, is that tomorrow will be different. I know this week will be different.
I hope you were able to find some value in this, dear reader. I wish you a peaceful Sunday, and I send you high vibes to carry you through the week.
